Coming up on my birthday a few months ago, my thoughts were all over the place–questions, memories, resentments, delayed hopes. I am freshly aware that I am forever at a significant place in time, which I’ve known for years, but it hit me particularly strong this year.
I have very little life time ahead of me versus time already passed.
This fact was rolling around in my thoughts and emotions for some time and with a birthday coming up, it seemed more persistent. There’s nothing much to do about a birthday arriving. Mark the day as you will or try to ignore it.
Just a few days before the birthday, our last cat was acting quite ill. He was 16 years old, so it wasn’t unexpected, but it’s always unpleasant to say goodbye. On my birthday, death would visit. I had an appointment to have him euthanized.
I wept on the way home and took a ride around the waterfront neighborhood to allow the tranquil view to do its thing for my raw emotions before going home to start the day over again.
“The Search is Over,” by Survivor played on the radio. It’s one of the best love songs ever recorded and it gets to me every time. Usually, I sing along but I was all choked up and couldn’t sing. The singer’s voice is just perfect, full of excellent notes, a poetic melody and heartfelt lyrics. He brings emotional life to all of it. Many times over decades I heard the song and thought, “Who IS this guy anyway?” I’d make a mental note, each time, to look up the band on the web when I got home, forget, again, and time passed.
By 1984-85, vinyl LPs, aka records, and fragile cassette tapes were quickly being replaced with much sturdier and better quality CDs. Back then, we didn’t have the internet, Google, YouTube for research. You could look at liner notes if a friend already owned the album in some form, but packaging was sealed.
Later that night I did remember to look up the band and discovered Survivor had had two lead singers in the 80s. Dave Bickler was replaced in 1984 due to vocal chord issues that prevented him from singing for quite awhile.
“The Search is Over” was sung by his replacement, Jimi Jamison, released in 1985. His was the voice that touched my heart and soul.
“What was I doing in 1985 that I can’t remember this band, aside from the one song?” I wondered. I love music and listened to Top 40 radio daily.
I ran the memory tapes in my own mind and remembered what the 80s were like. I had young kids, which required time and attention; my mind was frazzled with recently diagnosed chronic anxiety and undiagnosed depression; and we had no extra money for buying things like CDs for $16.
Unlike in the days of the Beatles, I didn’t know any Survivor members’ names or details of their lives. All I knew was that Voice and it was time to learn more about the owner of it, and the band.
Clickety-clack went the computer keyboard. First, I looked up the band and saw the brief background noted above. Then, I clicked on the “lead singer,” Jimi Jamison.
There was a small picture of him on Wikipedia, the first source revealed, standing holding a microphone in his left hand, glancing to his right. He looked to be in his 50s and it wasn’t a very good photo.
I quickly looked at his birth date and immediately after it, his death date.
“What do you mean, he DIED?” I blurted to no one, aloud. “That beautiful voice died!” But…but…I just found him! I was surprised how strongly I felt so sad and wasn’t sure why—I didn’t have any history with him.
The famous DJ, Casey Kasem, nicknamed Jamison “The Voice” way back in the 80s so my first impression, 36 years later, agreed with his description.
That voice was stilled. I needed to hear what other songs he’d recorded; Survivor’s musical history was my next search.
I found the official video for “Man Against the World” and cried. Melody, lyrics, sentiment, instruments and that Voice–it is perfection.
An hour passed while listening to musical treasures. I don’t usually like music videos, but without the ones available, I’d never see Survivor perform.
Pictures of Jimi over the 36 years I’d missed while living at the speed of life were great. Jimi Jamison was very handsome– a hunk, as we said in the 60s and beyond–which was a bonus added to his fabulous songs and that voice. Interviews and articles written over many years said Jimi was a humble, down to earth man. Videos from live concerts showed him to be an enthusiastic performer who showed passion in every move while singing. He sang from the heart and spirit and it showed boldly, no big ego or self-consciousness.
I read more about Jamison and came upon the section for “personal life and death.” The first article said he died of a heart attack at the age of 63. Well, that’s just too young; unfair! The date was Sept. 1, 2014—SIX YEARS AGO. I was immediately pissed off. What do you MEAN, he died SIX YEARS ago? I said aloud. I muttered and babbled for the next couple of minutes, unsure of why my feelings were so instantly angry, raw and sad.I felt cheated. I recalled the 80s as a bad decade for music, and the 90s were worse. I had missed Survivor’s wonderful music of the 80s and the fun of following a band, anticipating their next single release and waiting for it to play on the radio or going to a live concert.
A second article, in Billboard (online edition, Nov. 11, 2014) revealed Jamison had died of a brain stroke with “acute methamphetamine intoxication contributing.”
I was instantly and unexpectedly angry and full of grief.
We had been robbed of this fabulous man by drug use; I can’t say if there was long term addiction. This surprised me because I hadn’t noticed any drug related behavior in any of the dozen or so videos I’d watched, except one in the 90s that made me wonder if he was just having a bad day—or what? Jamison knew all the lyrics and each note came out perfectly. It was very apparent he enjoyed himself performing live. Nonetheless, the autopsy didn’t lie.
Now, I know, each person is responsible for their own substance abuse. Who knows what led him to the first try and, in the end, it doesn’t matter. Addiction is a deceptive thief. The allure of drugs is empty promises for peace of mind or clarity of thought or relief from emotional pain. It’s all a lie but the grip it has on people is sneaky, real and devastating.
Okay, God, I prayed. What is going on here inside of me? I’m happy to have found the owner of the Voice that haunted me for decades and more of his songs to enjoy. I regret not knowing the band’s gift to music lovers back when it was fresh. I’m strongly feeling a loss for a person I never knew personally. I feel so old and short on time. So much dissonance spun in my mind and I didn’t know what to do with the chaos. Jimi, “you can’t know what you have done; it’s making me crazy.”*
Music has always been God’s messenger to me. In one of his mysterious ways, God used Jimi’s singing to get my attention. Listening or singing myself, songs help me to explore and express thoughts and feelings and to clarify relationships—with words and emotion, lyrics and melody. To put a name to a feeling gives it definition for positives and diminishes the power of negatives.
Clearly and suddenly, a peace of understanding came over me.
Be grateful, I discerned. Be angry, sad or frustrated initially; it’s human nature. Replace all that with gratitude–and give it to God.
God advised me to be grateful, which dilutes grief and allows comfort and acceptance to grow. I get to enjoy what I found, through technology—the voice, the songs’ melodies and lyrics I appreciate so much, watching performances that would have been unseen and lost forever but for video retention.
How do you thank someone for sharing his gift when he’s no longer living? Wait. Who ultimately deserves thanks for placing these people among us, for sharing people and their gifts?
Thank you, God, for Jimi Jamison and his beautiful, heart-squeezing singing voice and allowing him to share his heart publicly through music. By God’s grace, he’s at peace now, free of battling the deception of drugs and knowing he was not “a man against the world,” with no one at his side and alone.**
Thank you to Jimi’s mother. From what I’ve read, she was a single mother and moved a good distance away, just mama and baby, the day after his birth, to start a whole new life. It must have been hard but her heart was full of love.
Of course, Jimi’s best legacy is his children and the love he spent while here is happy memories for his loved ones. In his own lyrics he said, “Forever and always, I’m always here,” *** because he knew love never dies.
It’s as if God saved Jimi and his music for later to show me something I needed later in my life.
What was this all about, truly? I think God showed me a few important things.
Gratitude comes first and give it to God first. He will keep it safe, as a treasure.
Thank you, God, for preserving my life when it could easily have been shorter already, and for providing my needs even when I didn’t recognize it.
Help me to be quicker about thanking people and you for kind or helpful things they’ve done for me.
Our connection with people we admire, appreciate and attach to isn’t gone because they die and will be completed when we meet in heaven—for eternity. I was pleased to learn Jimi Jamison is a Christian. Once again, saved for later.
I just bought my first Survivor CD and I can sing with Jimi anytime. I imagine he’s singing with the angels of heaven. I plan to hug him and join the choir when we meet.
Just like the long wait to discover Jimi and his beautiful talent, the wait was worth it for God to clarify the importance and beauty of gratitude for me, like a love song.
* “I See You in Everyone,” by Frankie Sullivan and Jim Peterik, 1984.
** “A Man Against the World,” by Frankie Sullivan, Jim Peterik and Jimi Jamison, 1986
*** “I’m Always Here,” by Jimi Jamison, theme for TV show, Baywatch, 1993.
One of Billions 